Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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