I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
