Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
