I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
