And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
