I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Ladies don't puke and tell
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
