the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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