I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
