sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize