oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
