and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
