I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
did i just pee glitter
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
