I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
