I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize