I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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