I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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