You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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