Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
