You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
