Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize