So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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