At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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