hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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