Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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