It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
