That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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