you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
