ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
pray to the hookup gods
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
