dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
