just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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