I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I can't turn off my feet"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
