It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
