I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
