Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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