Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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