He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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