I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
