Can i not drive my cunt home
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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