i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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