I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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