Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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