atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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