He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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