thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
My balls are so social today.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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