He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
