what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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