Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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