I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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