dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
