our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
