You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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