I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
