By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Your cock deserves a montage
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
