I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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