My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
