MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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