you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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