He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
i think my cat just said my name.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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