Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize