Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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