they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
