first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
