you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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