Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
