they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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