i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
