he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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