I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
