Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
